About rape, obviously I see that if a girl is too drunk to give consent to sex it counts as rape, but what about if the guy is also just as drunk? It doesn’t seem logical, if two people get drunk and have ill-advised sex, for one of them to be suddenly a rapist and the other a victim, instead of two people who did something silly while they were drunk. Just thought I’d see where you stand on that.

January 30, 2012

practicalcats asked: About rape, obviously I see that if a girl is too drunk to give consent to sex it counts as rape, but what about if the guy is also just as drunk? It doesn't seem logical, if two people get drunk and have ill-advised sex, for one of them to be suddenly a rapist and the other a victim, instead of two people who did something silly while they were drunk. Just thought I'd see where you stand on that.

[TW: Rape]

Here’s the thing about drunk sex.

I have it sometimes, you know? People do that. But EVERY time people engage in drunk / intoxicated sex, they are walking on THIN. FUCKING. ICE.

If you’re mackin’ on someone who’s been drinking / doing drugs, if they’re drunk AND you’re drunk, you’d better be extra fucking sure that consent is vocal, enthusiastic, and positive*. If it’s there, if 2 (or more!) people get a little tipsy, a little randy, and mutually and excitedly decide on a bang-a-thon, that’s great - that’s not “ill-advised sex.” If it’s not there, if you can’t tell or you’re not sure, don’t fucking do it. Please be extremely careful not to conflate those 2 circumstances, as they are wildly different in context. One is fun and sexy for BOTH/ALL people involved (that’s the important part - see the trend? It’s only awesome if EVERYONE is into it), and the other is extremely serious and fucked up. Drunk people can still take advantage of other drunk people. Drunk guys can still rape. Being wasted isn’t a get out of guilt free card. It’s ALL ABOUT CONSENT*, drunk or sober, and the second one person ignores (willfully or in a drug/alcohol induced stupor) the lack of consent of another person, that’s when stops being “something silly” as you put it, and becomes rape. If someone can’t discern consent while drunk / using drugs, they definitely shouldn’t be engaging in sex with anyone.

<3 youdon’tlooklikeafeminist

*There are loads of people who feel that true consent is impossible if people are intoxicated.