you don't look like a feminist

you don't look like a feminist

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10,137 notes

If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience.
Deepak Chopra (via introspectivepoet)

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6,639 notes

I was recently doing some stand up at a club. After one of my sets, I walked into the bar where a friend of mine who is a comic and also happens to be a tall and pretty lady was standing with a few other people. They were having an animated discussion.

The guy at the bar – whom I had never met before – looked at me and saw my glasses, my ill fitting clothes, my bad posture, and I guess he saw in me a kindred spirit.

“Here,” he said, “this guy will get it. Dude, don’t you think hot girls have it easiest in the world?”

I answered without thinking. My words vomited up out of me.

“No, not at all,” I said. “Being a hot girl seems awful.”

He laughed.

“No, I’m not kidding,” I said. “Why does it suck to look like you and me? Because hot girls won’t talk to us when we’re dumb teenagers… I’d rather have that then spend my whole life with guys yelling shit at me when I walk down the street. I’d rather be lonely for a few years early on then spend every day getting creeped out by gross dudes staring at my chest when I’m just trying to go to the supermarket to buy some fucking vegetables.”

“Yeah,” he said, “but they get whatever they want all the time.”

“Do they?” I asked. “I’m sure they get into clubs I can’t get into, or get drinks served to them without waiting as long as I have to. But they also get judged for wearing the clothes they wear. Or get pressured for not putting out. Or have to worry constantly, at least a little in the back of their mind, about getting raped.”

The guy just stared at me.

“I don’t know dude,” I said. “Hot girls don’t have it easy.”

My friend who is tall and pretty looked at me and smirked and said, “Good answer.” And we walked away together.

Hot girls don’t have it easy. They don’t have it easy for all those reasons I told that guy, and so many more. But most of all, they don’t have it easy because dummies like that guy look at them and see them as “hot girls” instead of seeing them as “three dimensional human beings.”

And that’s what drives me nuts about “the good guys”.

“I’m a good guy, why don’t hot chicks like me?” Are you really a good guy when you say shit like “hot chicks”?

“I’m a nice guy, girls don’t pay any attention to me.” Are you sure you’re a nice guy? Because if your main concern is getting girls to pay attention to you for how nice you are, it sounds to me like maybe you’re not actually nice and you’re presenting yourself as nice to trick a girl you crave into thinking you’re nice. And that’s not very nice.

Chris Gethard, from “Overcome Your Programming And Be A Better Man

Just: read the whole piece. Thanks to wallflowercabaret for posting about it on Facebook.

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3,222 notes

Filipinos are the second-largest Asian population in the US, and yet there are hardly any Filipino restaurants and we have basically zero representation in the media. I’ve always wondered, “Why is that? Why is it that we kind of just disappear into the background of people’s consciousness, when we are so populous?” We are in every part of industry. We basically run the food service in the military. Filipinos are on every single cruise ship. We’re everywhere, and yet we’re nowhere to be seen. When I talk about performance and taking up space and being in public, I’m always coming with that background in mind. I’m claiming space, claiming attention, and claiming my own humanity and presence in that space at that time.
Kiam Marcelo Junio in this interview (via niaking)

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While evolutionary psychology suggests that women pass on casual sex due to an inherent lack of sexual desire, Conley says there’s an entirely different reason. She posits that women say “thanks, but no thanks” for fear of being judged. She also says that women have serious reservations about whether a one-night stand would be enjoyable with a new partner. She tries to explain to men, “The reason women are turning you down for casual sex seems to be that, for one thing, a lot of you are calling them sluts afterward.” Also, “A lot of you aren’t bothering to try to be good in bed.” Preach.
Women Want Sex & That’s What’s Up - Vanessa Golembewski (via honeyedheroine)

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Melissa, to be honest, regardless of whether it was a men’s prison or a women’s prison, prisons aren’t safe at all…prisons aren’t safe for anyone…They wanted me to hate myself as a trans woman. I was not going to allow the system to delegitimize, and sexualize, and take my identity away from me.

CeCe McDonald on the Melissa Harris-Perry Show, 19 January 2014.

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25,938 notes

If your ancestors cut down all the trees, it’s not your fault, but you still don’t live in a forest.
Pam Oliver, a professor in the UW-Madison sociology department, explaining the historical roots of racism in the United States to her undergraduate students (mostly middle-class and White).  I try to use this when I teach race now, too, to get past the defensive “but why are you BLAMING ME” reaction. (via cabell)

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5,675 notes

I discovered that TED and TEDWomen have never featured a talk on abortion.

…When I asked around, the consensus was that the omission was simply an oversight. But it turns out TED is deliberately keeping abortion off the agenda. When asked for comment, TED content director and TEDWomen co-host Kelly Stoetzel said that abortion did not fit into their focus on “wider issues of justice, inequality and human rights.”

“Abortion is more of a topical issue we wouldn’t take a position on, any more than we’d take a position on a state tax bill,” Stoetzel explained. She pointed me to a few talks on women’s health and birth control, but this made the refusal to discuss abortion only more glaring. In the last three years, the United States has seen more abortion restrictions enacted than in the entire previous decade; the United Nations has classified the lack of access to abortion as torture; and Savita Halappanavar died in Ireland because a Catholic hospital refused to end her doomed pregnancy. Just how is abortion not an issue of “justice, inequality and human rights”?

The Empowerment Elite Claims Feminism, my latest at The Nation (via jessicavalenti)

TED! What a huge letdown. 

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141,704 notes

We teach females that in relationships, compromise is what women do. We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or for accomplishments— which I think can be a good thing— but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are. If we have sons, we don’t mind knowing about our sons’ girlfriends, but our daughters boyfriends? ‘God forbid!’ But of course when the time is right, we expect those girls to bring back the perfect man to be their husband. We police girls, we praise girls for virginity, but we don’t praise boys for virginity. And it’s always made me wonder how exactly this is supposed to work out because *laughs* the loss of virginity is usually a process that involves *laughs*…
We teach girls shame. ‘Close your legs!’ ‘Cover yourself!’ We make them feel as though by being born female, they are already guilty of something. And so, girls grow up to be women who cannot say they have desire. They grow up to be women who silence themselves. They grow up to be women who cannot say what they truly think. And they grow up—and this is the worst thing we do to girls—they grow up to be women who have turned pretense into an artform.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, TedxEuston (x)

I can’t stop rewatching this talk. Adichie is my hero and she just /gets/ these issues so well. She’s incredible, and everyone should watch her talk, if they haven’t already.

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